killer ambitions in the stark blue dark

there are no words, only hollow explanations, only bugs eating at me in my sleep, quite literally and i'm lounging in the light of beautiful hope and ambition and possibility, i'm dreaming dreams big enough to fill up a life. little children to love, or lovers, or beautiful lakes where i can take my kids, and i can protect them from my father and all the bad things.

i can try really hard to be good. but i won't. instead morality is lost on me and only throbbing love and unadulterated hatred can lead me forward. where once there was beautiful orange skies where stars glimmered ever so slightly. where once there was an unsuspecting man being watched changing at his window.

where the memories spin out of control and i forget all about the girl i used to be. where promises of return start to feel worn out but as always, faith remains. because i guess in a way i've always been a believer, always the hopeless/romantic. and always, i don't know, i thought somehow my words were understood by someone, even if i didn't understand them.

perhaps now i'll be reborn. i'll hear this beautiful song and i'll let go of any hope of flying, i'll just enjoy the fall. i'll hope. i won't pray. i won't expect or even forgive cuz i don't need to. i don't need to prove anything or believe in anything. because i am emptied by everything that was.

2006-11-22