between early and late

through all the deconstructions and reconstructions, i've lost track of myself.

through the rubble, the mess. the things i used to care about that i hide in the little corners of the house so i won't find them.

my passport in my guitar case, a very minimal sense of staying. i just want to get done what needs doing and i'm gone.

i try to answer my questions with your absense. even now i'll indulge in thoughts of you, deluding myself with the same old lie.

it's reading your words, filling up the silence with the reality of who you are that makes me change my mind about wasting time on you.

it's not worth it cuz you don't change. i can't help but roll my eyes when you blame it all on a girl.

i've decided to start writing again. i've decided to start cultivating my taste in music. maybe living off coffee some of the time, i don't know.

i've realized that i can't be defined. i can't be fixed or improved apon. i'm a living breathing thinking thing.

and this life, as deconstructed and minimal as it may be, is mine. this beautiful tangle of right and wrong is mine.

2006-04-04