gone

i go to sleep
and i wake up in the middle of the night
without a blanket
or any concept of who i am
i write lists of memories
no, they're too far gone for me
it's all faded now
time lost, gone whatever
i lived 'er good
but still
i stand abrupt like an earthquake
but in all the subtleties of
a sunset
never noticing the degrees of change
ohhh it hurts so much
i have nothing to think about
but myself
and all the tangled ways i've
come to think of it
no truth only concept
i remember sorta subways
and things that used to be
and then there's my great big
furure stretching out at me
i guess i just need to lear to be
ugly
my greatest fear
oh
ugh, i didn't know
how much it mattered
past the point of change or care
just remember
you had it when you had it
fine, i'll go
taste the sweet reluctance
of long ago
and my life will be a fiction
made of absence
and deliverance
my vocabulary shredding
with every word
won't you regret how insincere you were?
i loved you!

2006-04-01